Today is dedicated to my baby girl

Seventeen years ago my baby girl made her appearance. It was a Tuesday morning, the due date given at the beginning of the pregnancy and the C-Section was scheduled for 10:00am. The weather was fine when we arrived at the hospital but by 9:30am as family was arriving there appeared to be a major ice storm starting. Of course Kierstyn came into the world with a mind of her own refusing to make delivery easy and wasn’t born until 11:35am. I guess it was very interesting for family and friends to get home. IU played Michigan that night and we put her in her IU sleeper and watched the game from the hospital room. The ice storm was the worse Bloomington, Indiana had seen for years shutting almost everything down the remainder of the week. We finally convinced the doctor to send us home on Thursday. Seventeen years later and you are still making us so proud and just as you defied the odds over the last seventeen years with various health problems you are still proving to the world that with hard work, determination and dedication anything is possible. I am so proud of you, you not only blessed our lives seventeen years ago but you have continued to bless our lives each and every day. Love you bunches baby girl.

Thank you for allowing me to take the time to make this dedication to her today.

Do you consider yourself a “Good Christian?”

I’ve been reading the book “The Way of the Master” by Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron. Talk about a life changing book, it has given me so many things to consider. One of those is the following:

“However, people who make a commitment to Christ without the Law may do so because they are seeking true inner peace and lasting fulfillment. They come to fill a “God-shaped vacuum” in their lives. There is no trembling. There is no fleeing from wrath. There is no fear. To them, God is a benevolent, fatherly figure, not a holy God of wrath.
Without the Law, they haven’t been stripped of self-righteousness. They don’t truly believe that their just reward is eternal damnation. Therefore, even as professing Christians, they think they are basically good.

Because of this faulty foundation, these converts are likely to think they are pleasing God by reading the Bible, praying, fasting, and doing good works. They are susceptible to being deceived into thinking that somehow their good works commend them to God, and they are therefore liable to stray into legalistic standards such as “do not touch, do not taste, do not handle” (Colossians 2:21)”

At church they tell us many times people look at God based on their relationship with their earthy father’s. I have heard at church that I am/we are sinners and we can’t get to heaven by good works. I have also, however, been told that it is pleasing to God when we pray and read the Bible because that is part of having a personal relationship with Him.

The book continues by discussing the statistics such as the large number of temporary converts compared to the small number of permanent converts, again, because people are not converted based on the law. It discusses how many people don’t like reading the BIble or going to church and since they don’t understand the severity of sin (the Law) they think it’s not necessary to continue. The book addresses how many denominations may require some brief sessions with the Pastor before baptizing but other than that all the person has to do is stand in front of the congregation and answer “yes” to a few questions the Pastor will ask. I know I fall in the number of temporary converts considering I was seven when I was saved and baptized.

What about you? What are your thoughts on what the book has to say about the majority of people not realizing the severity of their sin? I would love to hear your thoughts and if you have read the book and have a different perspective on what it’s saying I would love to hear it.

Confirming and Encouraging

I decided to have a new outlook starting January 1, 2011. It wasn’t making New Year’s resolutions but I figured it would be a great time to train my mind that the past was just that, the past. One of the things I decided I wanted to do this year was to give more attention to my writing and to make sure I was taking it seriously, this was to include blogging daily or at least several times a week. Well as I started to revamp the look of my blog (another fresh start in my mind) toward the end of 2010 the enemy had other plans, including three procedures/surgeries and one illness after another. So far 2011 has started off with other issues, some good and some not so good including a sinus/viral infection that has been continuously making its rounds in the house for the past four weeks.

Even during all the issues I had one particular blog friend (I’m so grateful to all of my readers) that kept staying on my mind. I knew that she and I connected because of her reading my blog so if, for no other reason I really wanted to get back at it, praying she hadn’t given up on me and quit subscribing or checking it for new posts. I so want to stay in contact with her and get to know her more.

Since I did not get to start in January with the new blog I had almost convinced myself that it was silly to even start back up. To justify the decision, I had many reasons or rather the enemy had provided me with so many excuses/lies such as:

1. You have lost all your readers (not that I had many to start with) because you have waited so long to post.

2. Your health isn’t going to allow you to blog often enough for it to matter.

3. You don’t have anything important to say. This was not what you were to do with your life.

4. You don’t have time, you need to wait until….(you can fill in the blank)

I’m sure you hear many of the same “lies” in one way or another as you go about your daily lives. The one thing I love is Jesus is ALWAYS faithful, and if I will pay attention he will usually give me a confirmation, if it is what He wants, and I continue to second guess if I am doing the right thing. Just as in the past He came through once again a few days ago.

It was a day I wasn’t feeling well but was looking at other blogs trying to get caught up on my reading when my phone went off with a notification that someone had left a blog comment. Guess who it was? It was the friend that I have thought about for many weeks. She asked me to continue writing because she enjoyed hearing from me. WOW!!! First off, what a way for our Heavenly Father to send a confirmation but also what a way to make me feel like I was walking on air. I couldn’t help but think, me??? Someone enjoys hearing from me??? Needless to say her taking that time to write that one sentence has meant all the difference to me.

You may never know how much you have encouraged someone or maybe confirmed something they had been on the fence about, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go ahead and do so. Who have you encouraged recently? If you are the one that received the confirmation or encouragement have you taken the time to let the one that encouraged you know?

Thank you Meg for taking the time, you don’t know how much helped and what it means to me.

Looking for Opportunities

First let me offer a disclaimer that I am not usually a big fan of reality shows, I’m not sure why I just prefer more scripted shows and they are usually crime related or something I can analyze. That being said, however, I started watching Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) the season Donnie Osmond and Melissa Joan Hart were on, but I was a regular viewer and didn’t watch it any more until this season when I learned the great NFL Arizona Cardinals retired quarterback Kurt Warner was going to be on there as a dancer to represent Jesus. Kurt is a Christian and appears to be very solid in his faith. I use the word “appears” only because I have not met him. He caught some flack for doing this show because of the costumes, some of the dance moves and behaviors. He took the time to reach out to his fans and critics and provided a two page explanation of why he and his wife felt this was the arena God wanted him in for this time in his life. Of course, then he received flack for such a long explanation. This past Monday night Kurt and his partner on DWTS was in last place and I assumed would be voted off on Tuesday evening. Knowing what he could be facing Tuesday evening Kurt put this Tweet out

“Who’s ready 4 a little fun 2night? Stay positive – Stay on we keep representing Jesus – Voted off We represent him in next arena! Can’t wait “

That has stuck with me all this week as I continue my recovery process from the cancer treatments and the set backs from the other illnesses. That is really what it is all about…I have to continue reminding myself that it isn’t about me…it’s about how I can use whatever circumstance and place I am in to serve God and make sure He receives all the Glory. If God wants me to write, then I need to write, if it is start a new ministry then I need to watch for the opportunities. Instead of looking at the closing of my business as me being a failure and my health sticking me in a hospital bed as not allowing me to be the kind of wife and mother I was and being a failure in that category as well I need to look for the positives. I have much more time to listen to God if I just would pay attention. Here has become my new prayer each day…God where do you want me to serve now? Please show me the opportunities you have for me in these circumstances.

How about you, are you looking at the negative in something where there may be an opportunity?

As a side note…yes, Bill go ahead with your comments on my football problem (my pastor, Bill “cycleguy” Grandi” is sure I have an NFL addiction problem since I watch the NFL Network everyday and I plan my Sunday and Monday night around the NFL schedule as much as I can…including using my DVR if necessary I say I’m just another devoted fan). I still love you and Jo like crazy!

Living with Physical Pain

I’ve had several people ask what my fibromyalgia & Lupus pain is like but the problem is it is very hard to explain because it can vary so much from day to day and person to person. I decided using my blog was probably the best way to respond to those that have asked. I decided I would try to explain just the basic part of the pain of living with Lupus and Fibro without going into all the other problems that are a part of it or any of the other health issues many people have in addition to them.

Today and for the last few days mine has been more in the muscles which means it has been more from the fibro than the Lupus. One way to describe it is think about what it is like when you have a muscle spasm/cramp in your foot or calf (sometimes called charlie horse) now imagine that in your arm, neck, back, when you breath you can have them in your ribs. I’ve been having them around my ribs and lung area along with my stomach area around my spleen/liver area as well as in my feet, legs, hands, neck and back. This also leaves you with a great headache usually as well. The problem is with these they can’t be massaged out. If someone is available they can help with the hands, arms, neck or leg area, but with the internal ones around the heart, ribs, lungs, etc…there isn’t anything you can do….muscle relaxers can help some but they rarely eliminate them completely they usually just help with the intensity of them. Now add in the Lupus pain and inflammation in the joints and the pain levels jump around every day. The pain can be tolerable one minute and excruciating the next depending on if it is a good day or bad one.

I’m just so grateful I am surrounded with fantastic, loving family and friends that try to understand something that is very hard and difficult to comprehend, if you have never dealt with it before. I’m also blessed to have medications that although it doesn’t take it away, it does help with the symptoms enough to make life worth living. Finally I serve an AWESOME GOD that is there with His strength, love and guidance with every breath I take and that is the ONLY way I can make it thought the nights like this one…PRAISE YOU, JESUS and Thank you for being with me.

“You are Mine”

A couple of weeks ago I was so full of all the things God and I discussed while I was on vacation and reading one of the best books ever, titled “Plan B” by Pete Wilson. I wrote my last blog post and said I was going to fill you in on all the things God taught me, well after writing that last blog post I sat down to record everything and guess what, my mind went blank. I can still remember the results of things God and I discussed and I still have a very close feeling of Him, most of the time, but all the details and information I was going to use just flew out of my brain. I tried reading parts of the book again, I went back over pictures from the trip, I would sit here and relive each day and still only one thing came to mind. I finally decided I had to be happy with that one thing and work with it. I will continue living my life each day and just see not only what He reveal’s to me and but also what He allow’s me to share.

First a little background. Previously I had written a post about “Who I am,” the time I’ve spent trying to figure it out and all the adjectives that have fit me over the past several years. I also have worked on the topic of rejection, I have thought of all the times I was rejected, the feelings that it creates, talking with others about rejection and how they felt and I even did a survey of several people for a paper I need to write which I chose the topic of rejection.

While we were at Coco Beach I couldn’t sleep one night.  Since I was awake when it was time for the sun to come up, I decided to get up, get something to drink and go out onto the balcony.  I love that time of day on the ocean, the beauty of it, as well as watching the dolphins play are just amazing to me. It was so quiet and beautiful, I kept taking pictures so I would have the memories from the beginning until the time the sun was up bright in the sky and I had to go back inside out of the sun. During all of this God and I were in a great dialog which began by me thanking Him for such a great experience. It was a wonderful conversation and the first time I experienced something so wonderful, it wasn’t a loud booming voice it was just a quiet internal conversation but during this time I felt God saying to following to me:

“You keep asking who you are and trying to find the answer. Well now that we are finally alone and you are listening I want you to know: It doesn’t matter baby girl if you are assertive or quiet and laid back. It doesn’t matter if you are shy or outgoing. It doesn’t matter if you are a business owner or a stay at home wife and mother…here is the thing, you are each of those when you need to be based on the situation and your current circumstances. What I need you to know and believe is to Me, you are My perfect child, because I made you. I love you dearly and unconditionally. As long as you hang with Me, we will get through all of this called life. Remember, just because others have left and rejected you doesn’t mean I will. They were not strong enough to deal with life because they chose not to stay with Me and follow and trust ME. Just remember you have the choice and can break the cycle!

Wow, what a choice, I know which road I want to take, I will do my best to keep fighting everyday to make myself follow/hang with Him. How about you? Any thoughts?

Missing Him & His Opportunities While Working My Plan

I read Tony York’s blog on April 21, 2010 and he ended it with this quote:

“Sometimes it is good not to reach the things that you are grasping after… you just might miss some pretty miraculous moments.”

If you want to read the entire post please visit here http://30secondrule.wordpress.com/2010/04/21/grasping-at-plan-a/

After reading his post I began to think about other things that had basically brought up the same issue recently.  There were songs such as Garth Brooks “Unanswered Prayer” and the Disney movie “Up” among many other things.  I started then to write this post but I couldn’t seem to finish it.  I’ve even written one or two other posts since starting this one and I just continued to let this one set. 

From time  to time I would stop and think about this same topic and wonder to myself how much I have missed out on because I have stayed so focused on my health and on the things I wanted to do in life (and wasn’t getting too now because of my health) instead of looking to see what God may be trying to teach me as I go through all the process.  Don’t get me wrong, I go through the motions, I mean I pray to God for “His will” to be done or for me to “hear Him” but yet I never stayed still long enough to wait to hear from Him.

Well to some degree  that has changed and in some pretty amazing ways.  It started periodically about two weeks before we left for vacation as I was reading a book my pastor gave me titled “Plan B”  by Pete Wilson (I can’t begin to say enough great things about this book and I’m not quite finished with  it yet).  During this time  I also attended the annual  Women of Faith Conference that several of the women from my church attend.   This continued while we were on vacation this past week, especially since we were in Florida and I am not allowed out in the sun and heat.  Anytime I would shut everything  else out and focus on time with God  He would reveal something to me or answer a question I  had been asking/pondering.

My pastor just wrote about something similar  here  http://billgrandi.ovcf.org/wordpress/?cat=14 today and he asked if God was everything to me?  Here was my response to that question:

“The sad news is He isn’t everything to me, although with all He has done for me, He should be. After the experiences He & I have had recently I want to do all I can to make Him everything to me. I don’t want to take a breath that I don’t make Him part of it.”

Over the next few days/weeks I hope He will allow me to share some of the things He has revealed to me and things I’m sure He will continue to reveal if I will shut the television, music, phone and any other distractions off occasionally. I bet especially  if  I would shut my mouth and open my ears & heart more, actually seeking Him and His will instead of just saying it.  I’m so excited

I’m curious are you slowing down and looking for all possible opportunities or are you rushing through each day with so many things “to do”  to carry out your plans and stay within your  schedule that you may be missing His opportunities?

Any ideas or suggestions on disciplining myself now that I am back home so I have more time with Him?

Who Am I?

I had a friend from school who I just reconnected with a few months ago post the following on her Face Book page “I am 39 years old and still finding out who the real me is…and learning what matters most in life….and here are all these kids thinking they know it all!!! I missed the know it all class I suppose cause I still don’t have all the answers!!!! “

I thought, you know I have been thinking and asking the same thing for the last four years.  I had even started a blog about it but then I just saved the working copy and never finished it.  Well I typed a reply to my friend’s post on Facebook and when I hit “post” it deleted all of my reply to her.  I immediately became very frustrated thinking, okay there was 20 minute wasted and now I have to remember everything I said so I can retype it.  I mean I thought it was too good not to retype word for word and share, so, I started to type it again.  All of a sudden other messages started coming in…every time I would think I was on a role with remembering what I said here came a message from someone.  All of a sudden in my head it was as if God was saying “HELLO, child…you in there????? I made you child, I know you are not that dense????? Goodness child, what it takes to get your attention!!!  Maybe your reply disappeared for a reason.”  Finally, I remembered my blog….  I’m so happy that He loves us NO MATTER what we do or how silly we are at times!!!

I remember telling my Pastor, if I had to remove all my labels of mom, wife, daughter and friend, I wouldn’t know who I was.  I mean over the years I had many labels to help explain who I was, shy, quiet, rejected, bitter, angry, determined, stubborn, independent, trustworthy manipulative, kind, compassionate, caring, dependable, and many others.  Well some of those I really like and some I don’t like at all, I actually despise.  Thinking about this even more the past several months during my cancer treatment recovery I was trying to figure out which ones fit me so I would know who I was, I started realizing I don’t have to have a specific definition beyond I’m a child of God’s.   I have decided I need to wake up each morning and before I raise my head to start the day I need to not only thank Him for the day, but I need to remind myself I am a Child of God’s and no matter what happens I am loved.     Beyond that the rest are just adjectives.  Although they are important I don’t have to define myself by just one or two of them.  I can be a mixture of any that a particular situation or God calls me to be.  I can continue trying to be as kind, caring and compassionate as I can, but it’s okay to get angry if someone hurts my family.  I can be strong, independent and determined to give my family the best of me and not let a certain situation define me, but only as long as it falls in line with God’s will and where He wants me.

As for having all the answers, I don’t have them, but the cool thing that I okay because nobody does.  We are not supposed to have them.  At the end of each day I need to not only thank God for all the answered prayers, but also for the unanswered ones, reminding myself sometimes it’s best to not have all the answers.  Any questions we don’t get answers too here, once we are in heaven we can always ask God.  As for the kids my friend talks about in her post, I think we should do what most parents have done in the past….sit back and wait for the time when they come to us and say “I was wrong and I need your help to fix this mess I have made. I guess I didn’t think about this part of it” Then, we smile inside, doing are best to not say “told you so” while we help them. J Afterwards, we can relax knowing once they have their first child, the cycle will start all over again and our children will then think we have all the answers….HA!

Have you figured out the answer to the question in the title?  I would love to hear any thoughts.

Apology

I want to apologize for not getting comments approved and responded too in the past blog post.   I had problems with the changing over from the heartinservice blog to this one  and things mixed together and it has taken time to get it all ironed out.  I didn’t want to post  another blog until everything  was take care of and I could approve the comments from the last post.  It looks like everything is fine now and working finally.

Also many of  you already know this but during the above issues with the blog I had to go through the process of preparing for and enduring the iodine radiation scan for the follow-up to the thyroid cancer treatments last year.  The blessing is at this time all scans and blood work show NO remaining cells of thyroid cancer in my body.  The goal now is for me to get my strength back, get the Lupus and Fibromyalgia back in remission and move forward with God’s next season in my life.

We want to thank you all for the support and prayers.  I’m working on my next blog post now and I hope to get it posted either later tonight or tomorrow.

Do Our Daily Conversations Make us Sad and Paranoid?

I live in a very small community. It is one of the towns where news travels very fast, although not always accurate, and if you don’t personally know someone, more than likely you have at least heard a story about them or their family.  With all the gossiping that takes place in the town, I decided I really wanted to try to not be a contributor, which isn’t always easy considering there are some grand, amazing stories that are told from time to time, again just not always completely accurate.  Anyway, I have tried to spend more time listening and less time talking. 

For those of you that know me, that last statement above will be a shock.  For those that have been around me a lot, you may be thinking if this is spending less time talking, I would hate to see what her normal talking amount has been.  Anyway, I have done this in many circumstances to pay more attention to what people say in their daily conversations.  As I listen to so many people each day I amazes me how much negativity people speak and the amount of paranoia they include.  This even happens within my home among various family members.  In doctor’s offices or various community events you hear people talking about all the negative news stories or “just what this world is coming to.” Among smaller groups you get to hear things such as 1)why someone doesn’t like another person, 2) Did you hear so & so has done……, 3) Well I know the only reason he/she/they did this was to get back at me, or because they think I did such and such 10 years ago, and things just go on and on.

Let’s face it, do most people sit at home or work and spend their time thinking of how they can make a student, parent or another person’s day bad that particular day?  I don’t see a teacher, family member or boss sitting at home at night spending their time thinking “I want little Tommy to have a bad day tomorrow so what can I do to him.”

We all know there are many problems within the world today.   No matter what your belief about the end times, I think most agree we are in those days or close to it, even if God doesn’t return for another thousand years, the world is much different today than it was 10, 20, 30 or 40 years ago.  We also know that gossiping is wrong and we know that we shouldn’t participate.  Many people want to blame the media, and they certainly deserve their fair share, but would they write/tell it if the public didn’t buy it?

The point I’m making is could it be people are so sad and unhappy because of the people they associate with?  Could it be if people turned off the news, stopped the gossiping and found more pleasant things to discuss they may find themselves happier?  I have found, much to the distaste of some family members, I am saying “it’s not always about you” more and more often to help remind them the world isn’t out to get them.

What are your thoughts?

I have more thoughts on this subject, how it may relate to medical issues and most importantly what God says on this matter.  I hope to write more about it as I spend the next few weeks in preparation for follow-up scans and possible further cancer treatments.  I would appreciate any prayers you will say on my behalf.