The Throwaway Child

You may or may not know me, you may or may not even be like me, my name is John* and I am a throwaway child. I am one half of a set of fraternal twins, my sister and I are not yet teenagers and we have an older brother who is of legal age.

When we were younger and had our own home as a family my dad worked a lot and when he was at home, if he wasn’t drinking too much, he and my brother worked on things around the place. Usually, I was too little to be with them so I was told to go do something else. I was the throwaway child.

My mom was heavily into prescription drug abuse and drinking vodka. She would usually tell us to go play or watch television if she was awake and not mad. She loved my older brother because he could cook and help take care of us, and my sister was my mom’s “princess” so she was given a lot of attention. I was the throwaway child.

You see when my parents had use for my brother and sister but not me, I started doing things I shouldn’t have done. When my dad was at work or drinking and my mom was doing her thing they expected my brother (older by about six years) to take care of and raise us. Well I began fighting, running and hiding, tearing things up, anything I could do to get attention. Well what I usually ended up with was a spanking with the belt and then told to go do something else. So the only attention I received was the time it took to spank me with the belt. I was the throwaway child.

When we were old enough to start school my brother would get us up and ready for school. When I noticed my sister and others getting attention while I wasn’t I started becoming aggressive at school, just for attention, again I would get in trouble and then be ignored again. Even at school I was the throwaway child.

The school began contacting the Department of Children Services because of the way I behaved and the way things were at home. After my parents spent some time trying not to get into trouble and lying about things at home they had a couple of weekends of heavy drinking and pill use which resulted in our trailer no longer being livable so we left our home and moved to a new city twenty miles away to live with my maternal grandmother. Nothing changed when we moved I was still a throwaway child.

After a few months of my continuing behavior and my parents living apart, my parents decided it might be better if I was institutionalized in a hospital so people there could figure out what was wrong and fix me. I was a throwaway child. During my time at the hospital I was diagnosed as having ADHD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression. After being in there for a few months, having individual and family counseling and having a medication schedule I was sent back home where nothing changed, I was still a throwaway child.

Mom and we three kids lived with my grandmother for the next couple of years, while dad lived with another family member. Dad wasn’t working as much now but he continued to drink off and on along with taking some prescription medication. Mom and grandma were telling everyone they were homeschooling my sister and me but we never did that much work. Mom and grandma spent each day doing prescription medications. We would be asked to take the pills from one of them to another. We would also watch them get to a point they could barely talk but still my sister was mom’s princess and daddy’s little girl and I was the throwaway child.

Several months ago my life was changed forever when I woke up and realized there was something wrong with my mom. By the time I could get my grandma awake and she called the paramedics my mom was dead. The autopsy showed an accidental drug overdose. Evidentially my mom enjoyed doing the drugs more than being around for her three children. My brother turned to his girlfriend and her family, my sister had my grandma, and our dad was too upset about losing his “everything,” I was a throwaway child.

After my mom’s funeral I was sent to live with an aunt on my mom’s side of the family about forty miles from everyone. I did fairly well with my behavior with her and she listened to me when I had nightmares over my mom. At the time though I decided, I still wanted to stay with my grandma where I could do whatever I wanted, I didn’t have a curfew and there were no house rules. Nobody cared what I did, I was still a throwaway child.

My sister was allowed to be involved in things with my dad, he would come and get her and she would spend the night with him. He enrolled her in school in the district where he was staying so she stayed with him every night and went to school from there. I was left at my grandma’s. I was a throwaway child.

Finally my dad had a situation come up that forced him to go live with my paternal grandpa who lives with a different aunt and uncle for health reasons. They had him bring me out to stay too and I will say the first few weeks were not easy. They have house rules and consequences if they are not followed. I think I tested just about every rule and suffered many of the consequences. My dad still doesn’t usually want me around but my grandpa, aunt, uncle and older cousin does. I still have my moments, but I am now being homeschooled to try and catch up on all I have missed out, I have clothes now that fit and plenty of food to eat. I have people that will listen to me if I have a problem or just want to talk. My dad and I still argue a lot and he still calls me names and I still say things I shouldn’t but now I try to apologize much quicker. I know if my dad moves and takes me with him I will be a throwaway child again but for now, I may have found a place where I am wanted. One day soon I many no longer be a throwaway child.

Stay tuned for further updates to my story

*name was changed for the best interest of the child.

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